Tag Archives: job loss

REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? BIG BIRD OR ELMO?

5 Oct

 

Republican or Democrat, shit you could even be an alien and there is a good chance you know what Sesame Street is; Ernie, Bert, Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster (my favorite), Elmo and the forever infamous Big Bird.

We all practically grew up with Sesame Street and these characters. But why would you want to pick on Big Bird and get rid of him? He is by far the biggest of all the puppets and I imagine could be a really mean drunk if he is drinking. Plus hanging out with Elmo all day would piss me off and make me want to drink! I might even recommend anger management classes just to deal with Elmo all week. Don’t pretend you never wondered why someone hasn’t beaten up Elmo.

Think about Elmo for a moment. He is the new guy on the street (Baltimore crew); he just walked in and is all of a sudden is the center of attention. What has Elmo really accomplished? A few holidays ago he was the hot toy stuffed with plastic and feathers. If you pushed a button he would dance, make some noise, be amusing for a moment then quickly become annoying and never leave your house. HELLLLLL if I wanted that in my life I would date another stripper, stuffed with plastic, annoying, amusing for a few moments and really never leaves your house, PLUS is any stripper really a good “dancer”. I don’t think so. There is not much of a difference between that loser Elmo and a bad pole-dancing stripper.

ImageNow Big Bird is the guy who is going to be the center on the puppet basketball team, the fighter on the puppet hockey team and be the first to stand up for his other fellow puppets. There are no other big puppets on Sesame Street, but what about the Muppets? Kermit, the great Gonzo and Miss Piggy they could use a seven foot yellow bird in their crew. Big Bird would make the Muppets a power house, a potential dynasty and give them street cred (as we say in the hood).

Regardless of whether you liked Mitt’s debate the other night he could be the catalyst that finally brings Kermit a puppet championship. It’s tough being green, as Kermit would say. But finally that conniving weasel Elmo would be on the unemployment line or forced to be on stage dancing to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard. From what I hear is the most popular stripper song of all time, again from what I hear.

I wouldn’t know…I’m practically a saint!

 

Advertisements